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Pink Gins & Googlies 11.2: oh the fiends we left behind

The Contessa and Hettie share news of their discovery and capture of the Sag Harbour Vampire with Gwen, Jemima and Mavis. The gals convene at the broom cupboard in Corpseington Manor that imprisons him and interrogate the beast.

He reveals before being commanded to attack from Sag Harbour

  • He hailed from the borders of Moravia and Silesia
  • He was imprisoned with an ‘army of abominations’
  • There was a council of ten commanding him

As the vampire (calling himself Purfloy) barters for his life a combination of his hostility to the British Empire and Capitalist mode of production combined with his frankness on his own ethically sourced and sustainable vampiric feeding habits cause the girls to expose him to sunlight and flash fry the son of a bitch.

As the girls debate this turn of events it turns out there’s no ice for cocktails – the generator has packed in. The girls go to the outbuilding to investigate and hear whiny shrill singing from the old outhouse. Jemima enters and is hit by a swinging oil drum set to hit the first entrant knocking her for six. Mavis feels for a light switch but is shocked by the open wiring left in the switches place. Retreating the girls consider there options.

Mavis and Jemima are sent back to the house for first aid and to ask if the grounds keeper has terriers. Meanwhile the other ladies are attacked with missiles and Hettie notices something else creaking in the copse.

Stalking it Hettie finds herself face to snout with a sobekian monstrosity such as the girls saw in Egypt. Getting off some shots with supports from the others she soon finds herself in a deadly tussle of rifle but and crocodile tooth and claw

But Gwen and Flossie have their own problems as they are charged by a petrol lawn mower seemingly piloted by a beekeeping helmet shrilly singing the rise of the valkyries. Flossie shoots the pilot reveal king a scrawny creature that boils up in sunlight as the fudge the careering lawnmower.

Jemima and Mavis return with dogs to see Hettie after her life and death struggle throw her crocodilian opponent through the covered windows of the lighthouse. As the opponents scream as the lights hit them the terriers finish them off. The girls recognised the creatures from their Columbo adventures.

Seeing a repairman safely in to see the generator they return to the house and ask about strange sighting including airships and submarines.

It would seem on the 11th date of their tour the Cranford Ladies are facing what the Americans would call an ‘all star 11’…

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